It's simple, just switch to the Metric system.
In all seriousness if anyone has seen the movie Watchmen and has fond memories of growing up with Saturday morning cartoons of the 90s it is important for you to watch this amusing video. I can't get the great jingle out of my head. If you haven't seen the movie be careful the video may ruin elements of the plot for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDHHrt6l4w
I would imagine most people are aware of Bioshock 2, the first game was awesome, and advise people to check out Gametrailers TV this week on spike for a new exclusive look at it. Regarding Bioshock 2, I wonder if there will ever be Big Mommies, I know there will be a Big sister, wouldn't it be weird if there's a whole Big family, kinda like the A& W family. I sure could go for a Mama Burger right about now.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Warning Optical Mice Ruin Magazines
I've come to realize over the last several weeks that using a magazine for a mouse pad is not a good idea, at least not with optical mouses.
Because I am too cheap to buy a real mouse pad, to achieve desired smoothness in my mouse's movements I have been using a variety of magazines. However, a deeply troubling problem has arrived. After an extended period of use the magazine's once silky glossy finish has become rough, riddled with strange dark spots, and in some cases smears. Now I'm not one to jump to conclusions but it is my educated guess that optical mice cause magazine cancer. So if you have that sweet new issue of (insert magazine here) and do not want to ruin it I suggest you revert to your old ball mice.
Additionally, using my limited knowledge of human biology I assume that this means optical mice can cause cancer in humans, space lizards and cloaked birds. Therefore it is encumbent of every man women and child to hurl their optical mouse onto the floor. Better yet, somone should start an organization to collect these defective products and turn them into someone really useful. A giant optical laser capable of disintegrating any pesky space lizards that may happen to stumble upon Earth. He he, what a beamingly good idea, get it, beam-ingly like laser beam...because you know..like...........dam you people of no sense of humor. Get it dam, like a Beaver dam, like a Darth Beaver dam, hahaha.....cause beavers like to......keep out wolves.....never mind. Entry Over
Because I am too cheap to buy a real mouse pad, to achieve desired smoothness in my mouse's movements I have been using a variety of magazines. However, a deeply troubling problem has arrived. After an extended period of use the magazine's once silky glossy finish has become rough, riddled with strange dark spots, and in some cases smears. Now I'm not one to jump to conclusions but it is my educated guess that optical mice cause magazine cancer. So if you have that sweet new issue of (insert magazine here) and do not want to ruin it I suggest you revert to your old ball mice.
Additionally, using my limited knowledge of human biology I assume that this means optical mice can cause cancer in humans, space lizards and cloaked birds. Therefore it is encumbent of every man women and child to hurl their optical mouse onto the floor. Better yet, somone should start an organization to collect these defective products and turn them into someone really useful. A giant optical laser capable of disintegrating any pesky space lizards that may happen to stumble upon Earth. He he, what a beamingly good idea, get it, beam-ingly like laser beam...because you know..like...........dam you people of no sense of humor. Get it dam, like a Beaver dam, like a Darth Beaver dam, hahaha.....cause beavers like to......keep out wolves.....never mind. Entry Over
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tourism Australia
Why would anyone in their right mind want to go to Australia? I mean you get like the worst of every animal possible there.
It has one of the few birds that can kill humans. That's right, a Cassowary is like a pissed of emu. An emu with razor talons with a crest that can be used to headbutt people to death. Wikipedia says, Cassowaries are very shy, but when disturbed, they are capable of inflicting fatal injuries to dogs and children. Hear that dog lovers, seems these birds are not merely content with killing children, but now target dogs.
It has platypuses, oh yeah sure they are cool looking, but do you know they are poisonous? It's true they have spurs near the ankle that is venomous . While the venom is non-lethal to humans it can still kill dogs. Dammit Australia, leave our dogs alone!!!!!
Heck, even Kangaroos can punch you to death, its true, I saw it once. A Kangaroo with punching gloves was beating to death a homeless man who stole its joey for food (joey is the infant). And wombats, any animal whose name rhymes with combat is no good in my books. They may look like furry foot stools, but did you know that its "sheer weight makes a charging wombat capable of knocking an average-sized man over, and their sharp teeth and powerful jaws can result in severe wounds" (Wikipedia).
And what about poisonous snakes, oh Australia is home is to several deadly snakes like the Death Adder. A snake so vile that it chose its name because it loves that horrible tv show the Black Adder with Rowan Atkinson, boy that show is bad. "Oh' Ill just be in the water, there is no snakes there right?" Wrong, sea snakes my friend, some that can kill you.
Don't get me started on the water. Deadly sharks, most dangerous jellyfish alive, toxic sea snails, stupid camouflaging stone fish, even some corral in the water can cause injury. Stay out of the water.
It has the Funnel Web spider which according to Wikipedia is "a notoriously aggressive species and is among the deadliest spiders in the world." I don't know about you but a small docile non-harmful spider still is pretty scary, so why would you want to go to a place with spiders that chase your around merely to sting you?
You know the reason the English sent convicts to Australia to being with is that they thought the animals would kill them outright. However, through some divine miracle humanity has survived the constant struggle against the ruthless creatures located there. Nevertheless, the lesson is clear do not go to Australia, stay out.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Cloaked Birds?
I am the only one who thinks that birds would look so much better in capes and cloaks. It would make birds so much more interesting and would cheer you. Each kind of bird would have a unique cloak/cape. Just imagine a majestic eagle sitting on a tree branch, bundled in thick cloak. And the cloak would have a hood, so that only the beak of the bird could be seen. It would be like a Jedi bird, except it would not solve galactic disputes and wield a mysterious energy.
Of course, the cloaks would only work on big birds, like raptors. I mean, just imagine some tiny sparrow just struggling to stay in the air, vigorously flapping its wings while the cloak weighs it down. For the smaller birds a cape would be ideal, similar to those found on superheroes. Yes, that is the utopia I someday want to live in.
Speaking of birds, do you know there is a cuckoo bird mafia. Seriously, I'm not joking. Cuckoo birds will lay eggs in other birds nests, so that the other bird will raise and care for the chicks. If a bird with cuckoo eggs/chicks refuses to care for the cuckoo eggs, a group of cuckoo birds will come and break the bird's own eggs, until it gives care for the cuckoo eggs. That is pretty messed up eh?
Of course, the cloaks would only work on big birds, like raptors. I mean, just imagine some tiny sparrow just struggling to stay in the air, vigorously flapping its wings while the cloak weighs it down. For the smaller birds a cape would be ideal, similar to those found on superheroes. Yes, that is the utopia I someday want to live in.
Speaking of birds, do you know there is a cuckoo bird mafia. Seriously, I'm not joking. Cuckoo birds will lay eggs in other birds nests, so that the other bird will raise and care for the chicks. If a bird with cuckoo eggs/chicks refuses to care for the cuckoo eggs, a group of cuckoo birds will come and break the bird's own eggs, until it gives care for the cuckoo eggs. That is pretty messed up eh?
Why Stop Global Warming?
I'm not saying that the effort to stop global warming is bad, far from it, it's an excellent practice that more people should partake in. However, couldn't the money we were spending on it be used for something more useful in the near future. Like researching the technology necessary for terra-forming planets(making them hospitable for life). That way we would be able to get new resources from other planets, and if we were able to live on these other planets why would it matter if the earth is slightly hotter.
Not to mention, that having multiple planets under our control will allow for us to have a more formidable resistance when space lizards decide to attack. Although, lizards would move faster in warmer environments, and if the earth is hotter due to global warming then...my god...the total enslavement/ eradication of the human race will be even swifter. Those crafty space lizards.
Not to mention, that having multiple planets under our control will allow for us to have a more formidable resistance when space lizards decide to attack. Although, lizards would move faster in warmer environments, and if the earth is hotter due to global warming then...my god...the total enslavement/ eradication of the human race will be even swifter. Those crafty space lizards.
Why is there no official comparison for gum?
Gum, gum is many things. To some people it is awesome chewy candy, to others it is a reliable breath freshener, an addictive habit or gross. Whatever, it is, there is one fact that remains. There are far too many brands/types of gum.
I mean different types of gum take up almost an entire set of shelves near the cashier of any convenience store. With all of those choices how is a person supposed to choose gum that is good for them. And that is not counting all the different flavors, longevity and approvals by dentists.
Why is it that there has no been no official comparison between all the major gum brands and their respective products in the world. By major I mean the bigger companies like Wrigleys and Cadbury Adams. I don't expect to find a comparison between some buffalo wing flavored gum made by some guy in his basement and Juicy Fruit. Like there should be some huge official table, that scientists in a laboratory have prepared after months of intricate testing. I guarantee that it would not be a waste of money, it would be so much more beneficial to the world than cures for diseases. With such a table one could properly way the pros and cons of gum they are interested in buying.
On a side note, I had no idea some many gum brands were owned by two big companies. I mean Wrigley owns: Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Hubba Bubba, Excel, 5,Bubble Tape, Freedent, Extra, Orbit , Altoids(I know it isn't gum, but it still freshens your breath in a candy form) and Big League Chew. While Cadbury Adams owns: Bubblicious, Chiclets, Clorets, Dentyne, Stide, Trident
On a further side note, why does 5 gum need to have "hip" names for all of its gum flavors. It has cool commercials sure, but I mean, Cobalt= Peppermint, Flare=Cinnamon , Elixir=Berry. Why not just keep the same normal names, stop trying to appeal to hipsters. No good hipsters with their slick goatees, oddly shaped/colored sunglasses and strange types of coffee. I don't buy types of gum for the gum's cool name, I buy it for taste and longevity. Which is exactly why we need this comparison.
On an even further side note, why has the concept of gum not moved on to other types of food besides candy. Why is there no widespread roast beef with gravy gum, that you can chew to mimic the taste of a nice dinner. Perhaps, due to some widespread food conspiracy concocted by some insidious group of clocked figures. Some group that may even be controlled by none other than space lizards. Those crafty space lizards.
I mean different types of gum take up almost an entire set of shelves near the cashier of any convenience store. With all of those choices how is a person supposed to choose gum that is good for them. And that is not counting all the different flavors, longevity and approvals by dentists.
Why is it that there has no been no official comparison between all the major gum brands and their respective products in the world. By major I mean the bigger companies like Wrigleys and Cadbury Adams. I don't expect to find a comparison between some buffalo wing flavored gum made by some guy in his basement and Juicy Fruit. Like there should be some huge official table, that scientists in a laboratory have prepared after months of intricate testing. I guarantee that it would not be a waste of money, it would be so much more beneficial to the world than cures for diseases. With such a table one could properly way the pros and cons of gum they are interested in buying.
On a side note, I had no idea some many gum brands were owned by two big companies. I mean Wrigley owns: Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Hubba Bubba, Excel, 5,Bubble Tape, Freedent, Extra, Orbit , Altoids(I know it isn't gum, but it still freshens your breath in a candy form) and Big League Chew. While Cadbury Adams owns: Bubblicious, Chiclets, Clorets, Dentyne, Stide, Trident
On a further side note, why does 5 gum need to have "hip" names for all of its gum flavors. It has cool commercials sure, but I mean, Cobalt= Peppermint, Flare=Cinnamon , Elixir=Berry. Why not just keep the same normal names, stop trying to appeal to hipsters. No good hipsters with their slick goatees, oddly shaped/colored sunglasses and strange types of coffee. I don't buy types of gum for the gum's cool name, I buy it for taste and longevity. Which is exactly why we need this comparison.
On an even further side note, why has the concept of gum not moved on to other types of food besides candy. Why is there no widespread roast beef with gravy gum, that you can chew to mimic the taste of a nice dinner. Perhaps, due to some widespread food conspiracy concocted by some insidious group of clocked figures. Some group that may even be controlled by none other than space lizards. Those crafty space lizards.
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