Tourism Australia

Why would anyone in their right mind want to go to Australia? I mean you get like the worst of every animal possible there.

It has one of the few birds that can kill humans. That's right, a Cassowary is like a pissed of emu. An emu with razor talons with a crest that can be used to headbutt people to death. Wikipedia says, Cassowaries are very shy, but when disturbed, they are capable of inflicting fatal injuries to dogs and children. Hear that dog lovers, seems these birds are not merely content with killing children, but now target dogs.

It has platypuses, oh yeah sure they are cool looking, but do you know they are poisonous? It's true they have spurs near the ankle that is venomous . While the venom is non-lethal to humans it can still kill dogs. Dammit Australia, leave our dogs alone!!!!!

Heck, even Kangaroos can punch you to death, its true, I saw it once. A Kangaroo with punching gloves was beating to death a homeless man who stole its joey for food (joey is the infant). And wombats, any animal whose name rhymes with combat is no good in my books. They may look like furry foot stools, but did you know that its "sheer weight makes a charging wombat capable of knocking an average-sized man over, and their sharp teeth and powerful jaws can result in severe wounds" (Wikipedia).

And what about poisonous snakes, oh Australia is home is to several deadly snakes like the Death Adder. A snake so vile that it chose its name because it loves that horrible tv show the Black Adder with Rowan Atkinson, boy that show is bad. "Oh' Ill just be in the water, there is no snakes there right?" Wrong, sea snakes my friend, some that can kill you.

Don't get me started on the water. Deadly sharks, most dangerous jellyfish alive, toxic sea snails, stupid camouflaging stone fish, even some corral in the water can cause injury. Stay out of the water.

It has the Funnel Web spider which according to Wikipedia is "a notoriously aggressive species and is among the deadliest spiders in the world." I don't know about you but a small docile non-harmful spider still is pretty scary, so why would you want to go to a place with spiders that chase your around merely to sting you?

You know the reason the English sent convicts to Australia to being with is that they thought the animals would kill them outright. However, through some divine miracle humanity has survived the constant struggle against the ruthless creatures located there. Nevertheless, the lesson is clear do not go to Australia, stay out.