Warning Optical Mice Ruin Magazines

I've come to realize over the last several weeks that using a magazine for a mouse pad is not a good idea, at least not with optical mouses.

Because I am too cheap to buy a real mouse pad, to achieve desired smoothness in my mouse's movements I have been using a variety of magazines. However, a deeply troubling problem has arrived. After an extended period of use the magazine's once silky glossy finish has become rough, riddled with strange dark spots, and in some cases smears. Now I'm not one to jump to conclusions but it is my educated guess that optical mice cause magazine cancer. So if you have that sweet new issue of (insert magazine here) and do not want to ruin it I suggest you revert to your old ball mice.

Additionally, using my limited knowledge of human biology I assume that this means optical mice can cause cancer in humans, space lizards and cloaked birds. Therefore it is encumbent of every man women and child to hurl their optical mouse onto the floor. Better yet, somone should start an organization to collect these defective products and turn them into someone really useful. A giant optical laser capable of disintegrating any pesky space lizards that may happen to stumble upon Earth. He he, what a beamingly good idea, get it, beam-ingly like laser beam...because you know..like...........dam you people of no sense of humor. Get it dam, like a Beaver dam, like a Darth Beaver dam, hahaha.....cause beavers like to......keep out wolves.....never mind. Entry Over